Late Happy New Year!

Here is my New Year post.
A few days on the late side, but it's all part of my strategy.
Not really, I don't really have a strategy, but I need one.

     I am not making any resolutions, as this has never worked out well! New year, smew year...every minute is a fresh opportunity.
    The last time I wrote a blog post, a dear friend requested that I think about writing a post at least once a week.
    Um. I like that suggestion, but won't promise. I will, however, make an effort.
    I have some blog related issues, like the lack of pictures. I know that pictures make a post more visually interesting, but I have yet to learn how to get pictures from my phone to my blog posts.
I am technologically impaired. I was going to take a class for that this semester, but now I am taking this semester off and am not sure that I will ever make it back.
   Another issue is MOOD. Confession time: I'm not really Miss Strong-pants. I just don't whine in public! Sometimes, I just don't feel like I can talk without whining, so I just stay to myself. More so in the cold winter months, as I have a bit of seasonal depression going on. Does anyone really want to hear about all that? Nope. No one likes a whiner! Particularly since I, personally, have soooo much to be thankful for! A modest but comfortable home, with heat and water...I haven't gone hungry in a very long time...decent reliable transportation...a fabulous husband and solid marital relationship...technology at my fingertips...good friends and family and loved ones abound...there are so many with such bigger issues than my piddly stuff. I am very aware of all of this, and so sometimes I just don't talk when i'm feeling weary, overburdened, overwhelmed, anxious, or whatever.
   
     So moving right along...
My oldest daughter works in the college library, and so had three weeks off. Therefore, I had three weeks off from babysitting. Now, I love that grand daughter with all of my heart and soul, but I have mentioned before that she is a firecracker! She is the energizer bunny on speed, and may or may not ever take a nap. That, in turn, keeps grammy on her toes, and PS grammy is getting older and isn't really in the best of physical health. It takes all of my resources to keep up with her all day, and then when her momma picks her up, if I have any energy left, I do my stuff.  SO I was kind of looking forward to some sleeping in and some writing and some catching up with stuff...like, I still need to finish painting the living room ceiling that I started in December 2013 and still needs ONE MORE COAT...the tape is still up...
     None of that happened. I can't even tell you what all has come up to prevent this vacation, but I have not had ONE uninterrupted quiet day to myself to re-charge, much less catch up with any stuff or give time or energy to working on my health.
     My mother in law passed away the week before Christmas. We had gone the previous weekend to a family get together, knowing our time was short, and tragically she was already not really with us. The vigil began, and she passed away on Tuesday night, then funeral planning, and services on Friday. We got home late Saturday night, and Sunday night, my second daughter's water broke, so there was no sleeping then! My little baby grandson was born late Monday afternoon.  This, of course was holiday week, and I was also preparing for then hostessing the big holiday get together/youngest's 18th birthday, which is on Dec. 25.  On Saturday, I went to see New Grandson, planning on staying until New years day (Thursday.) (They live 2 hours away.) Long story short, Monday my oldest daughter and grand girls came to see the new baby and ended up getting snowed in! So there was a bunch of us in a cute but small house, and the water froze...and that was a whole new adventure. The Chief was going to come on Wed or Thursday to meet the new little fellow, and then I was going to go home with him (The Chief). But HE was snowed in at the man camp (and in fact only today made it out of there to go do a job.) SO! My oldest daughter decided to make a break for it on Wed, even though our husbands strongly discouraged us...as it turns out the weather and roads were much worse where they are/were than where we were.  The roads were mostly clear and dry, and we made it home safe and sound, just in time for more weather, and it's been nothing but snow and ice since. New Year's Eve/day were uneventful, as I did not plan on being home, and my daughter went back to work on Friday, so i'm back in Chasing Audrey Trying To Keep Her Alive And Occupied mode.  Today is Saturday and I babysat my niece's three young one for awhile while she went to the doc. And i'm happy to see some sun shining!! I REALLY need to go to the grocery store, but have been procrastinating because I don't want to drive on the icy snowy roads.
     I want to tell the story of my new car, because it's pretty hilarious in a sad sort of way...but it seems like such an awkward story, I don't really know how to do that.
    SO i'm just going to tell it because this is the true story. I had a 2012 Dodge Challenger. I really really loved that car.  I got it the month before Joey died. In fact, I had not even made the first payment on it. At the time, there was only one minor child left at home and Joey, and all the other ducks were off living their own adult lives. I had one grandchild that I only saw once a year or so. I was busy adjusting to empty nest, and anyway I got this car.  I was a little too excited about it, seeing as how it was just a material possession.  When Joey died, I felt sure that it happened as recompense for being so happy with the car. (I know, I know, i'm just reporting the truth.) So then I hated my car for awhile, because owning it  and liking it so much had caused Joey's death, but then I got over that, and I have really enjoyed it. Of course, everything changed after that, and now I have three grandchildren, two of whom I see most days, and often drive them around. The Chief has been suggesting for awhile that maybe it was time to think about getting a grammy car instead of a 2 door sports car. I saw the wisdom of that, but was really attached to my car! So we procrastinated that for awhile, but now we are facing a financial crises and it became absolutely necessary to downgrade and lower our payments. So, while I was out of town, the chief traded both of our vehicles for Nissans, which weirdly worked as far as lowering our payments and insurance substantially. I knew that was the plan,  but did not know how it was going to go or what I was going to end up with until The Chief texted me a picture and said "here is your new car". Turns out, it's a Nissan Altima. Which is hilarious, as my oldest daughter  and I both drove Challengers for awhile, and now we are both driving Altimas! HAhahahahahaha! Well, I haven't actually drove mine yet. As I said, this all took place while I was out of town, and when I got back home it was all icy and snowy, and so anyway, there it sits.
     In case your wondering, I am not all devastated. I did really really enjoy my Challenger, and I was sad at first, but I don't feel at all sad or depressed about it now. We had a good run, and we moved on, and as it turns out, my happiness and joy in life does not depend on a car! At least I have one, and it sure is better than the beater I used to drive! In fact, I hate to admit this, but I kind of like it I think, and would actually like to take it for a spin!

     Speaking of Joey, I have been dreaming about him a lot lately! I have a very odd dream fairy, and most of the time, my dreams are interesting and amusing and I actually look forward to them. Sometimes, though, I just don't know where this stuff comes from! I find it interesting that I have only dreamed about Joey very infrequently. Lately, though, I have had a few in a row, and they are so weird! What IS going on in my subconscious?? I had a couple of dreams where I knew Joey had died, but had not buried him, and was just toting him around with me everywhere. To the store, to church...and then people start telling me,  you better start thinking about burying him because he is starting to smell bad.  Last night's dream was just a random wierdo dream with a bunch of my bother in laws in it, and, having nothing to do with nothing, here comes Joey, walking with his arms out like a zombie! And i'm all like, hey, there is Joey! And someone else was like, ya, but he smells pretty bad .
What?? Really?? Sheesh.

SO. I guess that's it. It has taken a very long time to write this post, because I keep erasing and starting over.

Quack!

This and That and some book talk

Hi, y'all!
I'm so happy with myself for blogging more consistently!
Oh...wait...
I haven't. That was just a daydream.

Since I last wrote a blog post:
Halloween! That was fun! On Halloween night, I went to my daughter's home, and we ate chili and cornbread, made popcorn balls and caramel apples, and BD (baby duck) #5 and GBD (grand baby duck) #1 played "Dance Dance Revolution".  BD #1 and hubby had decided to forgo trick or treating as the GBD 1 is not that interested anymore and GBD 2 is too young to care. So that was fun.
The next night we went to my SIL's costume party. The theme was the "mad hatters tea party". She does this almost every year, decorates all awesomely, we laugh and eat, and the evening culminates in an "outside in the dark" treasure hunt for the kids! SIL is so cool! :)

Just this week was Thanksgiving, so there was a lot of cleaning/cooking/baking! BD 1 brought the turkey and it was WONDERFUL! It was a 24 lb bird, and hardly any leftovers!! Sad for me that ham is so delicious...i'm supposed to be limiting salt intake due to my bum heart,  and well, ham is rather salty. But so delicious. My brother and his wife and two children, my niece and her hubby and their three children, my mother, my oldest BD, her hubby and two children, my VERY pregnant BD and her husband, (and two grand-dogs), and naturally my other two single childless BDs were all in attendance, and The Chief was even home! Woot woot!

     I was caught by surprise to realize that as this holiday season is upon us, I am less depressed and more in the mood than I have been the past two years.  The holidays are difficult when one is permanently missing, and particularly since our missing person had a birthday 3 days after Christmas.  It is a welcome change to enter into this time of year with a less heavy heart. On the other hand, being the human that I am, I feel a little guilty for feeling less burdened by grief.

     What I thought about as I was realizing this subtle change, and thinking about families gathering for these holiday meals:  life is too short for family drama, and even if someone in our family drives us nuts, or whatever kind of dysfunction might exist, we should all just be grateful for who is there, to love each other and be kind and patient with each other, and not take our togetherness for granted.
     Just a couple of weeks ago, a dear friend lost her son. How hard this holiday season must be for her and her family! Maybe three years ago, a young man from our home town, one that Joey and gone to school with and who's parents I had gone to school with, died in a car accident during Thanksgiving week.  A nephew and his family lost a daughter in June and her b-day was this month.
And this week,  two days before Thanksgiving, The Chief was in New Mexico at the hospital with his  family, gathered around their mother as they got the news that she has brain cancer, and hospice was called in.
     These things are so hard, no matter what, and then throw them in the holiday "family time" mix, well, the holidays aren't always merry and bright for everyone.

    On that note, i want to remind all of you ladies: CHECK THE GIRLS!!! My MIL's  story: she was in the hospital having a triple bypass when advanced breast cancer was found. That was removed, but it metastasized to lung cancer. The poor woman has been going through very rough chemo for that, and now it's in her brain and possibly her spine. I personally know several breast cancer survivors, with no further cancer...but it has to be caught early.
 
    And now...TADA! The real reason I felt motivated to write a blog post this morning: It's book rant time! I know that we all look forward to those!

 Ok: Gray Mountain, John Grisham. I was so looking forward to this book...I even preordered it in hardback. I have read all of his books and he has never let me down. Tragically, I did not love this one. The focus was less on great courtroom drama and more on the impact of coal mining in West Virginia.  I'm all for having a cause, and for using whatever soap box you may have to further your cause, but it was far too blatant, and I didn't really like this story. I was sooooo sad.

I purchased the ebook "Have a Nice Guilt Trip" by Lisa Scottoline and her daughter, but did not finish it. It just wasn't funny enough to keep my interest.

"What I Remember Most" by Cathy Lamb: I really enjoyed this book, the only exception being that the main character was homeless and lived in her car for awhile, and there was way too much info about bathroom situations.  Otherwise, loved it! One of my fav authors.

"Heros are my Weakness" by Susan Elizabeth Phillips: not bad, not fantastic...pretty predictable, as romance novels almost always are.

"The Lost Night" by Jayne Castle: readable, but the only character I really liked was the dust bunny. Again, pretty predictable. This is the first Jayne Castle I have read and I don't feel all that motivated to read more.

"Blood Magik" by Nora Roberts. Nora is tricky. Some of her work, I really love. Some, not so much. This one...eh. I don't actually know because I could not get passed the intro into the real story. Maybe some day when I'm bored i'll go back and try to finish it. It's on my kindle.

"Half Broke Horses" and "The Glass Castle" by Jeannette Walls: I could not put these books down until I read them all! They are memoirs, which aren't really my favorite reading but these were highly recommended by a dear friend. The things these kids survived....just wow!!!

And finally: the real reason I feel like ranting.
     I once made a grave error and read a Jodi Picoult story. I vowed to never ever ever do that again. I know, I know, she is a very popular author and sells lots of books. The other one that I refuse to read is Nicholas Sparks. Yes, I am aware that he is incredibly popular, and so many of his stories have been made into movies...the world just eats his work up. Honestly, both of these authors I have great respect for, as far as story telling skill, and the kind of work and research it takes to produce these stories.
    But listen. All my life, I have been called "overly sensitive", sometimes affectionately, sometimes
sneering-ly  I am not talking about being easily offended, or being one of those who take everything so personally and one must walk on eggshells to avoid offense, but still manage to offend anyway. I know and love some of those. I am talking about being emotionally affected by whatever...
The second part of that is: life can be hard. And sad. and sometimes just ugly. That's life. Life happens. It is also too short to immerse myself in sadness, tragedy and ugliness for entertainment purposes! If i'm going to "escape" I want to escape to somewhere happy!!!! Or at least FUNNY! Anyway, these emotionally charged, gut wrenching stories just affect me too profoundly.  I don't want to feel sad and devastated at the end of a story. I want to feel happy and smiley. I realize this is a personal thing  and i've said all of this before.
Which brings us to "Leaving Time" by Jodi Picoult.
I knew better, honestly I did.  You see, one of the characters was a psychic named Serenity Jones. I'm not sure I should admit this to the public, but one of my "alter egos" (writing wise) is named Serenity Jones. Jodi jacked my name! Anyway...that is what caught my interest, and I kept reading about it...was so curious, but knew better!!...almost bought it on my kindle like 5 times, but knew better...and then, finally caved to impulse, even though I knew better.
The one thing that I do not like about my Kindle is that I can't read in my normal fashion. I know many will think i'm crazy, but this is how I read: First couple of chapters, couple of chapters in the middle, last couple of chapters. If those are all okay, and the ending is acceptable, I go back and read the whole thing. I don't see the point of investing myself in a whole long story if the ending is going to be stinky. Plus, I don't love suspense...part of that "overly sensitive" thing I have going on. I realize this is a problem only for a small handful of people.  But I am one of them. Paging forward to the end of a book on the kindle is too time consuming. If you like it, you have to page all the way back. I have actually  done this.
SO anyway: no spoilers, but here is the rundown on "Leaving Time", well maybe some spoilers, so if you haven't read it and are planning too, maybe stop reading now,


Jodi Picoult is actually an amazing story teller. I am in awe of that skill. This story was very absorbing and interesting. I learned a lot about elephants, and that was cool, even though maybe I didn't care to know that much.  The characters were quirky and interesting, which I love. But when it came down to it, in the end, it was  all about sordid behavior and gut wrenching tragedy, and instead of finishing this book feeling happy or elated or triumphant or warm and fuzzy, or hopeful, or any of those things, I felt soooooooo sad and kind of sick, and I knew better and I am soooo bummed that I read it. It is going to be days and days before I shake the emotional fall out.

And so that is all, I guess.
I have been loving my writing class, and cannot believe the semester is nearly done!
I am taking the next semester off of school so that I can focus on getting my health back under control and my life back in order! I am kind of sad about that, as I actually really enjoy taking classes, but that's just the way it is for now.

Oh, and four weeks until due date for baby Hill! (GBD 3!)
I'm sure it won't happen because this is how babies are, but it would be sort of cool if it was born on due date (Dec. 28) which was Joey's b-day.

Quack!

Curiouser and curiouser

     My poor little blog has been woefully neglected lately! I haven't actually thought much about it...i'm a busy girl, ya know, between school and homework and running around after the grand baby. I'v been attempting to take better care of myself, which takes some time, and both grand babies had birthdays and we have had a baby shower since last I posted!
    This funny thing happened this weekend: my mom (who is hanging out with me for awhile to help me juggle all of my stuff while I finish this class and try not to die) my daughter Savanna, grand baby Natalie and I decided at the last possible moment to take a weekend road trip. Doing things at the spur of the moment hasn't always been my style...I like to mull it over and come up with every conceivable reason why I shouldn't do a thing! The past couple of years, though, have taught me to venture outside of my comfort zone.  We were headed to a church convention that actually began on Wednesday, but Savanna couldn't miss school, having just been home for a whole week  with hand, foot and mouth disease. That is not the same as Hoof and Mouth generally reserved for livestock. It is actually a funky virus, that seems to be maybe sort of like chicken pox, but the rash only appears on the palms of the hand, soles of the feet, throat and mouth. Normally, children under 5 contract this virus. We aren't entirely sure how Savanna ended up with it...but she did! So we could not begin our road trip until she got home from school. We put our hometown to our back around 4:30 in the afternoon. The first place we got lost was about 30 miles from home, in the first town we came too! (e got lost in the same town on our way home.) 3-ish hours into the trip, at Sweetwater, Tx, we stopped to eat, and then Savanna took the wheel while my mom navigated from the back seat. It was dark by this time, and if you don't know from Facebook, Savanna only recently got her license, and we do live in small town america. So here we go, on the interstate, and that got really interesting. Among other things, Savanna is not used to driving my car and it took a few miles for her to get a feel for it! I thought we were possibly going to die, but we didn't.  Hours later, we were off the interstate, wandering around in the dark in unfamiliar territory, and several times we had to turn around and go the other way! Our destination was Mountain Peak, and try finding that on a map! Finally, we were nearing the place, searching in the dark, and well, Savanna may have taken her eyes off of the road and forgotten she was driving for a minute, because she put us in a ditch right across from our turn off! But we didn't die. There were people waiting for us, but when we got to the place, there was NO CELL SERVICE! Apparently, that does still happen outside of scary movies! It was one am by the time we got settled!
Later in the morning, I made the acquaintance of a lovely lady. She mentioned that I looked familiar, and as it turned out, she recognized me from this blog!!!!
WHAAAAAT??
I truly believed that the only people who read this blog were the peeps on Facebook who love me and felt obligated to read it!
Apparently, that is not true!
And so now I feel a little more motivated to keep it up!
To all of my invisible readers, HI!
And here is a shout out to my new friend Kristen from Sulpher Springs (or Mineral Wells...?) Anyway, you know who you are!!
I don't know if it is lack of oxygen to my brain, the meds that cause drowsiness and dizziness, or if i'm just getting stupid, but I feel a little bit like Dori these days. (Not YOU, Dori from Tennessee, Dori from Nemo!) :)

So we had a fabulous Saturday and half a Sunday, I am SO SO SO glad that I agreed to this impulsive road trip. We headed back home after lunch on Sunday, this time with me at the wheel, as Savanna remembered that she actually left her license at home!!

^^ That is grand baby Audrey on her very first birthday on Oct 4th. That is, 10-4 in this family with roots in truck driving.

^^This is Savanna and I the day we ordered her class ring. We went on a mom-daughter date afterwards.

^^^ Chanelle's baby shower! Oldest daughter Charity, Chanelle and I. I guess we picked a really bad weekend, as we didn't have many guests, but it was great fun anyway, and Charity picked the best baby shower games! Baby Hill is really making his/her presence known. The Hills have made the decision to keep that nugget of information unknown until the new Hill makes it's debut into the world.

^^ Here is Audrey, talking on the phone! Well, not really, but she thinks she is.

Recently, a vintage market was held at our local event center.  There were quiet a few of these vintage travel trailers fixed up and showcased, and now I really really think I need one so that I can fix it up just how I want and use it for a writing studio!! (A room of one's own and all that!)

^^^ This is a truckstop on our road trip route! That was Sweetwater.

^^That is my car, and I just like taking pictures of my car. Because. I like my car.

^^^Savanna and Natalie, at Cracker Barrel, on our trip home.

^^Me and my mom, across the table

This is Savanna and Trevor. Facebook recently announced that they are "in a relationship". I think that means that Trevor is Savanna's boyfriend.

^^And this is the Hill family! They spent the weekend in Colorado on a "babymoon"...a last vacay as a childless couple before the baby comes! 

I throw random pictures into my blog, because it just doesn't feel like a proper blog without pictures! 

My writing class is going really well! 

Poetry is not my favorite thing ever, but we are required to write four of them in this class. 

Here is my first one:

Mama Duck

had five little ducks

and a handsome drake

they laughed and quacked and splashed

around

in a little lake.

Haha, not really. I did not turn that poem in.

Here is the real poem that I turned in:

Grief came for me

On a bright June day,

Riding a wild stallion

The color of muddy water.

Thundering hooves

Carried me away

And we rode that horse,

Grief and I,

Through violent storms,

Over treacherous ground,

Across burning desserts

And raging rivers.

Mile after mile-

Day after wretched day-

Through months-

and years.

Still we journey,

Reluctant companions,

Down still valleys

And along quiet meadows

Now on a gentler steed

and I hold the reigns.

-Valerie Russell

This poem was well received and no changes were made during workshopping. Now I have to write three more, and this one took forever!! 

And so I better get crackin' on that project!

Quackity quack!

It's been verified...I am big-hearted!

      The coughing started in mid-July, an innocuous irritating little thing that hardly was worth a second thought. A month later, it was a monster, rattling my ribs, clawing my throat, and stealing my breath. Well, thought I, it has been a humid summer so probably I have a little bit of asthma acting up, or possibly just allergies. After all, my granddaughter just had seen a doctor about her growling chest cough, and that was her diagnosis for which treatment was effective. Finally it occurred to me that maybe I should just go get it checked out, perhaps I did have bronchitis or something. Even though I didn't feel "sick" so to speak and wasn't running a fever at all. I have had bronchitis before and definitely had a pretty high temp.
     It was the first time I had consulted a doctor in 5 years, just because I don't really get sick often and when I do, it's just mild...so I haven't had any real reason to go to all the trouble of lining one up and making an appt and whatnot. (We have moved since my last check up.) I was able to get into the office quickly, as my daughters and granddaughters and niece and greats are patients there.
     The doc said that he heard something funky going on in my lungs and so I had a chest X-ray and some blood work. Hm, well, it appears to him that I have an enlarged heart, and that I am FREAKING anemic (his words), and so he prescribed a zpak for pneumonia (actually he said there was a fuzzy shadow in my lung that he was going to treat as infection...later dr's used the P word.) Then when that was cleared up, we would more closely examine the heart issue.
     I took my Z-pak as instructed, and was also on a high dose of iron 3 times a day. The z-pak helped some, but I was still coughing, still gasping for breath, my chest and ribs still just hurt, and plus the iron was doing really bad uncomfortable things to my guts! I hadn't slept in several days and nights...just dozing 10 or 15 minutes here or there...and I was just waiting for those antibiotics to kick in! But I was kind of miserable and exhausted and one Sunday evening my daughters convinced me to go to the ER. I personally thought that that was over-reactive and over-dramatic, but I thought that at least maybe I would get a breathing treatment and some sleep! I was just a little desperate for oxygen and sleep.
     SO!!! After a long night and some bloodwork and a ct scan,  This is what happened. I was sent in an ambulance to the big hospital in Lubbock, because evidently my pneumonia was really pulmonary edema (or something like that) and there was fluid building up around my BBH (big beautiful heart) because I have, formerly unbeknownst to me,  Congestive Heart Failure, or CHF, and I was in the process of drowning in excess fluids.  SO I guess having an extra big muscular heart is a BAD thing, causing it to not pump efficiently.

There I am ^^ newly installed in my room.

^^^ Some visitors!

And...my pain chart.



     The first day in the hospital, I had a bunch of test done....another chest X-ray, and echocardiogram (that I failed) and a stress test that I did not like! I was pretty much told that I was staying put until all that fluid was out of my chest area and other tissues, and thanks to the failed echocardiogram, I would have an angiogram later in the week.

^^^ Some more visitors...aren't they cuties?? Niece Brittany, granddaughter Audrey, and great niece aamiyah.

^^ Some remains of the grand cuisine I was served. I guess I should be grateful that they let me eat at all, but golly...I was for some mysterious reason on a diabetic meal plan, and it was just uninspiring. One morning, whole wheat french toast was served...with sugar free syrup. Ya know,  there are just some things that if you can't have the real deal, you might as well just not have it at all. Sugar free syrup is one of those things!

^^ This is my new room! On the second day I was in the hospital, the entire cardiac floor moved! This was interesting in that the poor nurses were running around looking for their supplies and equipment, much of which had already been moved! The reason for the move was that another floor had just finished being remodeled, and so we were moving to brand new digs! I was actually the first patient to be moved and to take up residence! They piled all my stuff into my lap, and wheeled me away...I felt like a should have a tiara and a princess wave! The new room was much bigger and nicer, and that sunflower picture sure did cheer me up!

^^ That is a skywalk, connecting two wings. I walked up and down it quiet a bit.

^^^That there, folks, was my favorite place!! COFFEE!!! Except, I was on fluid restriction so I didn't get that much. And I kept getting questioned about exactly how many cups I had. And I sometimes had to just suck on crushed ice because I drank too much coffee.


     The only other times I have been in the hospital have been to give birth. Those are pretty short stays, ya know, so i'm not really an expert on hospital beds.  What I can tell you is that mine was an air mattress, which seems new and different, but it has been almost 18 years. Pretty basic model, I think, with the buttons to move the angle of head and feet. What was interesting about it was that it would noisily and randomly move all by itself. Not just head or feet, but random points in between. I asked every single nurse (and throughout my stay I had 8 different regular nurses, and a few aides) what was up with my bed moving all by itself, and none of them ever actually answered me...they were just like..uh, I dunno.  So. that was interesting and maybe a little annoying.

     Until the restrained me to the bed.
     Oh yes they did.

^^What you see there is  a padded ankle restraint that was used to tie me to my bed. This, of course, was after the angiogram, a procedure after which one must not move the leg in order to prevent arterial bleed-out.  So, while I was tied to the bed...it was a huge relief when my bed would randomly move FOR me! I finally understood.

^^^ That is just a picture of one of my many IV sites. The bruise you see there is actually from the initial IV in the emergency room that went wrong. I still have that bruise 11 days later.  Over all, I had four different IV sites, and blood drawn every single morning.  Also my blood sugar was checked like 4 times a day, so lots of finger pokes, and I also got shots in my stomach every morning..a medication to prevent blood clots. So my poor jelly belly is all black and blue! At one point, I had to have a blood-gas draw, which is blood taken from an artery, and those are a little deeper than veins.  The technician went in my wrist and hit a nerve! Holy smack-a-nurse, that hurt! I'm not really a big baby when it comes to pain but that made me holler out loud!


   Over the course of the 5 days that I was languishing in a hospital bed, 5 different people came into my room and claimed to be my doctor. Does that not seem suspicious? How many doctors does one person need? I was pretty thoroughly confused.  Every time I turned around,  someone new was coming in, saying they were my doctor and telling me to lose weight.  Among other things. I think I finally figured it out, though.  I had a cardiologist, and he has a nurse practitioner, and then I had a general doctor, and he also has a nurse practitioner. So those four became pretty familiar to me, although I still am not sure why i needed four different people visiting me and telling me exactly the same thing.  I have absolutely no clue who the 5th person was.

     My really funny sister-in-law came to visit me one day, and we did what we do...laughed a lot!! One thing we were talking about that had us giggling was my bulletproof coffee adventure. Being an incompetent blogger,  i have no idea how to link a former post here, but not long ago I wrote about bulletproof coffee, which is just coffee blended with coconut oil and BUTTER! Mine was not made with just any butter, but IRISH butter,  ya know...anywho, SIL was mentioning about how I was going to have to lay off of butter coffee, and the Chief would be relieved that he didn't have to pay for IRISH butter anymore. (In reality, I actually only stuck with butter coffee for about a week. It kind of lost it's charm, even with IRISH butter.)  The nurse came in a little later, after SIL had left, and mentioned that our laughter had caused them to laugh, and they wanted to joint our party, wondering what was so funny.  I told her the butter coffee story....

And so she wrote this on my board!! Teehee!! We were wondering how many others would ask about it. Only one ever did!! 

    As it turns out, I actually do not have a cholesterol problem or clogged arteries. I do have CHF, and a damaged heart, but they can't tell me exactly what caused the damage. It is suspected that it was caused by poorly controlled high blood pressure, but they can't say for sure. So. All of my tiredness and moodiness and lack of good humor did have a cause after all.  If I do everything i'm supposed to do...take a handful of meds, keep my BP under control, lose weight, exercise moderately, limit sodium, and stuff like that, there is a possibility that my heart function will improve, and at the very least not deteriorate. Possibly some year in the future, I will require an implanted device.  Or, I can just do nothing and die sooner than later of CHF! So. I guess that I will take my wretched pills. I will work hard to release these regained pounds into the wild, and I will take my 30 minute walk every evening. And I will lay off the coffee, as I am restricted to two liters of fluid TOTAL for the day!!!! I have to weigh every morning to make sure i'm not becoming water logged again. Oh, and I have to REST. So now I have a verifiable excuse to take naps!  I have a follow up with my regular doc next week, and then a follow up with my cardiologist (ya, i'm the kind of girl with a cardiologist!) at the end of Sept., and then an echocardiogram in 3 months to check my heart's status. 

     This is me and Audrey, headed out for our first daily evening walk!! 

And I guess that's all, so quackity quack! 

Ew.

One should not write blog posts in the middle of the night when one has been awake for far too long and is under the influence of narcotics. Therefore, the original post has been deleted.
The gist of it was:
I went to the doc for the first time in 5 years. It didn't go all that well, except I did get antibiotic and cough syrup for this ugly bone jarring cough that I have had for a month.
And I have to get super serious about getting my weight back down and getting regular exercise and all that wheehaw.
That is all.

Moody Grays

I have this pointless little blog that is about nothing.
It's not about junking or decorating.
It's not a cooking blog.
It's not about country life or urban farming.
It's not a book blog,  an art blog,  a crunchy blog, a health and fitness blog, or an anything blog!

I don't even take good pictures.

My blog is about nothing. Except, perhaps, me...and that is not all that interesting!
Which is why I haven't written a post since the beginning of July!

Frankly, i've been in a mood for quiet some time, and I don't really know why. I mean, certainly there are daily challenges, and things that I like to call adventures that aren't really adventures but just things to cope with and get through, but I have had MUCH bigger, less funny adventures in my lifetime and I have so much to be thankful for, and NO REASON to be in a funk!!!

And yet, I am.  I mean, I am here living in a gray cracked house, and that should be hysterical, but i'm not really laughing.  I should be considering trim colors that go well with gray...I mean, gray is sort of  a neutral color, and pairs well with red or yellow or bright white or pink....but, ok, I obviously have thought about it for a minute, but mostly I just want to shoot my house and track down that one guy who made such a mess of it and cement his feet. We have been told numerous times that we should just sue him, but its seems to me that that is a lot of money and time and hassle with no benefit .
Speaking of gray (or is it grey?), I see that 50 shades of grey is being made into a movie, and I don't even see how the filmmakers are managing THAT and, even with today's extremely lax standards, making it suitable for public consumption! Seems like the movie will have about 5 scenes it it and last half an hour. Not to mention....REALLY???? All the stories in all the world, and THAT is the one being made into a movie? I'm just speechless.
Actually, i'm not speechless at all, I have a whole bunch to say about that, but guess what? I won't. Because my opinion of the whole shebang is the extreme minority, and that in itself is highly disturbing. (Um, yes I did read the books. No, i'm not a prude or a party pooper or a stick in the mud or a cold fish, or whatever anyone might want to say. It was just a BAD story, bad plot, bad characters, just bad bad bad. Except the writing was halfway decent and that just compounds the whole tragedy.) I just have to ask, am I the only one who sees the irony that there is so much hoopla and hurrah over women's LIBERATION, and this story about SUBMISSION AND BONDAGE is so extremely, shockingly, mindblowingly popular? WHAT???!

Summer has pretty much passed me by, and I can't even fathom that school supplies are on the shelves and summer apparel is on the clearance racks!
On the upside, I don't have to ferry S. around this year, as she is now the owner of her own vehicle (with a sunroof! I'm kind of jealous!) On the other hand, she will be driving. By herself. And that strikes deep intense fear in my heart. My last little duck has wings. Or wheels, if you will, and is just mere months away from 18!

I'm really looking forward to fall, but not to going back to school. I am terrified of the class I am taking, and I have SO MUCH anxiety about it, and I would almost rather be taking college algebra! At least I know what to expect and that even though I completely suck at it and I have to work really super extra hard, I can learn it and even score an A in algebra. Imagine, taking a writing class and finding out that that is what I REALLY suck at!

Anywho,  this is my life: My days are spent keeping the baby clean, fed, entertained, and alive, and fishing foreign objects out of her mouth. and feeding and attempting to entertain the tween and then the momma comes home and i cook and do whatever stuff I need to do in the evenings. And then on the weekends, I catch up with whatever didn't get done. And also I obsess and stress about school about to start. And I am feeling sort of hermit-y and introverted, which isn't all that normal for me, but there you have it. That mood thing.

I suppose that wraps up this random issue of the nothing blog!
Until next time..
Quack!

June Follies

   
I started out this month (June I mean) with a bang, that's for sure! On June 2, the day that Savanna was supposed to register for summer school, but we did not know that, I killed a kitten. A KITTEN! I had to make a grocery store run. I jumped in my car, backed out of the driveway, and then stopped at the intersection at the end of my street. At the appropriate time, I made my left turn onto a main street, and then I heard a thunk. Looking in my rear view, I saw one little kitty making a desperate run for it, and one...not running. It was not running because unbeknownst to me, these kitties were up in my car, and they fell out when I made that turn, and I ran over one of them. It was HORRIBLE! When I was in the grocery store shopping, I overheard two women talking about how someone ran over a little kitty in front of that church by Beall's and it was awful. (That was me. I ran over a little kitty in front of that church by Beall's.) That made it better, let me tell ya!
The very next day, I had to take Savanna to summer school, so just to be sure, I looked under the hood, honked the horn, started the car....no cats. Cool. However, as I was driving, I heard something moving around IN MY CAR! Savanna and I looked at each other, and I pulled over and stopped. Sure enough, kitten under the hood! It was wild as all get out, and Savanna ended up getting bit, and it disappeared....still in my car!! I was not about to murder another kitten, and so I called animal control. They came, but couldn't find the cat and said there was nothing they could do without taking my car apart, and probably it ran out already.  I then cautiously continued the journey to the school, went inside and registered Savanna, came back out and cautiously drove home. Later, i went outside and a sad momma cat was laying under the car...but no kitten.  I went out again that evening, and there WAS a kitten! As soon as it noticed me, it ran right back up in my car. I did not drive my car for a week, and then I got fed up and called animal control. They set some traps and caught the cats and took them away to somewhere that they would have food and shelter and be fine.
   About the second week of June, the stucco job on our house was finally done! It was supposed to take a week, but it was a month,

     Tada! My improved dwelling!!

Not really, the above photo is not our place. The below photo is. It remains cement colored.  One might wonder why it is yet unpainted.
It is not painted because a week after it was done, the stucco started cracking and cracking and cracking. It turns out that the fella and crew that did the work are being sued by another client and still another is refusing payment. Yay us! I have no idea how this story will end, but for the time being, we gave our life savings in order to have a grey cracked exterior. I'm excited.

     On June 7th, I participated in the second Color Run for the summer with daughter Chanelle and her mother and sister-in-law. It was fuuuuuuuun!!!!!

Also during June, this little gal became independently mobile! Now I spend all of my time sweeping, mopping, keeping foreign objects out of her mouth, hunting her down because she no longer stays put...and sometimes she falls, and that makes her upset.

     Chris and Charity both had b-days this month! They are 28 and 30 and I can't hardly take it in that I have kids these ages! Super happy we were together for the turning-of-the-page!

Before that, there was the anniversary of this (my pics are out of order, oops) and also the anniversary of my dad's passing on the 12th. We were all kind of funky that week.  Two years later....well, i'll just say it's something we are still learning to live with. I love that just recently...around the end of May, I randomly met a lovely woman who is the mother of one of Joey's good high school friends.  She was telling me how Joey championed her son, who others kind of picked on, and was his friend, and how much that was appreciated. That was Joey! And it does a mamma's heart good to hear these kind of things about her child, even two years after his death! It also makes a mamma cry a little that this (although he was sometimes a pain in the neck) great kid is not here anymore.

Are picture captions supposed to go before or after the photo?? Huh. Well. Mine are before. These are my sneakers. I'm putting them to good use, and am back on carb rehab. I already feel a ton better and have lost 6 lbs! 19 to go...and then some more after that. I know that the lo-carb is pretty controversial in some circles, which is why it took me a seriously long time to even consider it, but now I don't even care who says what. I'm sure that it isn't for everyone...but it is for me. Having tried it in desperation, and finding that it makes me FEEL so much BETTER, it is my friend! Less joint aches, headaches, etc...less brain fog and lethargy...AND I don't retain fluid like a sponge! My blood pressure is lower and feel much more inclined to move...and my MOODS are far better. I can't actually see what is going on inside my body, but I take my clues from how I feel.  For the record, I get plenty of fiber as well. The VERY low carb portion is temporary, not forever.  I sometimes struggle with craving crusty italian bread dipped in hot oil, or a tortilla, or a (box of) twinkies...but those cravings become fewer and farther between with time and persistance. I am trying like crazy to also break the diet coke habit...I am really curious to see how avoiding aspartame affects the process! I did recently come across a great recipe for peanut butter mousse...whipped heavy cream, cream cheese, natural pb, and a small amount of stevia. It tastes like peanut butter pie filling, which is divine in my opinion...and this concoction helps to tame the beast!

We have had some really lovely rain!! Note the wet table. This picnic table is a fun addition to our yard, thanks to The Chief. He toted it home last time he was in town!  One evening we ate Subway sammies at this table. It was extremely pleasant! that was before carb rehab.

I have read some books during the past couple of months, trying to find that escapist relaxation, but alas I haven't had a lot of luck. As a disclaimer, one should not necessarily read or not read any book based on my opinion, as apparently I just don't like anything anymore. I don't really know what's up with that, but here's the rundown:

Up first was historical romance, which I don't read very often...romance, historical or otherwise is not my favorite. I used to read them by the fistful, but life and age and experience has changed my perspective and now I don't have much patience for them. However, there are a few authors of this genre that are so good at their craft that I sometimes read one anyway. One of those is Amanda Quick, and I read her newest book, Otherwise Engaged, and didn't hate it. In fact, I enjoyed it.

Next up, and this surprised me, was Mauve Binchy's Chestnut Street. Um, I didn't even finish it. I'm not a big ole fan of short stories in the first place, and it seems like all of these were gloomy tales about cheating spouses, and I do not have time or desire for gloomy. 

A winner was Spider Woman's Daughter, by Anne Hillerman. She is the daughter of Tony Hillerman, who passed away and left his readers Leaphorn and Chee-less, and that was sad, but now Anne is attempting to continue the story. This book was not quite as good as Tony's, but it was still very good and I enjoyed reading it.

More sadness is being disappointed by Dorothy Benton Franks, who's work I have always enjoyed, but I did not love "the hurricane sisters".  It was very meh, and there wasn't even a hurricane. 

"The fault in our stars" was another huge disappointment. I don't hardly ever read those tear jerker, heart wrenching kinds of things, like some of Nicholas Sparks and Jodi Picoult. My heart is wrenched enough by my real life, and I don't care to have it wrenched for escape and entertainment, so when I first started hearing about "The fault in our stars" and kind of got the gist of the kind of story is was, I didn't even pay attention to it. But there was more and more hype, and then my daughter saw the movie and assured me that yes it was sooooo sad, but also so good, my curiosity got the best of me, and Kindle had it for 4.99 so I read it. Gloomy, without anything to redeem the gloom, I did not form any kind of attachment to the characters,  and I thought that the whole "teen speak" of...like, or whatever, and you know? clashes wildly with the sophistication of much of the books language, including that of these teenagers. Also there was a lot of profanity and a teen sex scene, and call me old fashioned or whatever, but I object to sex and profanity in YA books. Yes, I am very very clearly aware of the culture among our youth and that sex and profanity are not rare, but it is my opinion that the adults who are writing YA novels, while I understand that they are shopping for a large readership,  have a responsibility to hold up a higher standard for our youth. So as far as YA, I will be sticking to Harry Potter and Percy Jackson. Both series have huge readerships without sinking to that level. 

Then there is Janet Evanovich and her Stephanie Plum series. Yes, I did read #21. No, I will not read number 22. Stephanie has run her course. There is nothing new in Stephanie-land. Her cars are still getting blown up and her apartment messed up, still going to viewings with her grandmother  and she still hasn't made any kind of a decision between Ranger and Morelli, and frankly it's just old and no longer interesting. So if someone will kindly let me know if and when she ever wraps it up, I might like to read THE VERY LAST BOOK in this series. 

I started "Still Life with Bread Crumbs", but I got several chapters in, was bored to tears and not invested in any of the characters, so I stopped. 

The next book I am going to attempt is by an author that doesn't appear to be widely well know (and those kinds of authors are usually the most enjoyable in my own personal experience). It is entitled "The Darling Dahlias and the Texas Star" and was authored by Susan Wittig Albert. Ms. Albert wrote some really good books (in my opinion) that were fictional stories about Beatrix Potter, and involved a little mystery, a little romance, and some talking animals and I really enjoyed them, so I am hopeful for this book.

I am looking forward to October and the release of John Grisham's newest offering and hope really hard that it meets expectation! He hasn't let me down yet, but then neither have some of my other authors until now. 

As an end note, I am aware that many of these authors are best sellers and I have written nothing, and that these stories are beloved by many. These are just my opinions, and my own frustrating issues with reading material lately! 

And THAT, my friends, is the end of a very long blog post! Hoping for a safe and happy 4th to all!