Hawt Granny gets hotter: A girlie sort of post.

Puberty was not fun.
Child bearing came with a whole new set of discomforts and indignities.
The other end of that road is a whole new adventure!

I became a grandmother the year I turned 38. That is the same year that I had my midlife crises. I became obsessed with not looking/feeling/acting like a grandma. Hahahahahaha! It was ridiculous, really, but it all came to an end when I saw a very attractive woman ahead of me in line at the grocery store. Short cut offs, nice tan, long blond hair...then she turned around and had the face of a 90 year old, caked with makeup, and was showing about a mile of wrinkly 90 year old cleavage.  It was pretty scary, and I vowed to myself  right then and there that I would make every effort to age gracefully, and I made my daughters promise that they would never ever let me be ridiculous.  So far, so good. Except sometimes they tell me how CUTE I look, and then i see myself reflected in a window or full length mirror, and realize that they have blatantly lied to me.
Anyway! That was, coincidentally, the same year that i started noticing....things....changing. It has been a 10 year ride down a long hill with some uncomfortable bumps and ruts along the way.  A few hot flashes/night sweats occurred during that time,  but just very occasionally and randomly. A little something here, a little something there...
In the past couple of years, I have noted the dramatic increase in normal symptoms. Like moodiness. And pain.
This past year, the exact opposite of what I imagined: Tom started ringing my doorbell more frequently and sticking around longer, and generally being annoying, persistent, and much more unwelcome.
In the past 6 months, I have been moodier still, and the migraines I thought I had pretty much banished with a far healthier lifestyle returned.
And now Tom has missed a couple of visits.

And the hot flashes...(why in the world are they called "flashes"!!).... are apparently here to stay, and with a vengeance!

I have read the funny little ha-ha that says something about not thinking about them as hot flashes but about personal mini vacays to the tropics. I don't laugh at that anymore. In fact, I think it's about the stupidest thing i'v ever heard! It's more like mini bouts of the flu multiple times a day!! !!!!! !!

I was so confused at Tom's absence, after having been a double time nuisance for so long, and I have some pain in the...uh....chest, and one day I had a wave of nausea at the odor of cooking broccoli, and I had a terrible horrible thought.
Even though my baby factory has been closed for 16.5 years.
My g-ma had two after she thought she closed her factory.
My sis in law is two months out, give or take, from giving birth after thinking her factory was closed.
If anybody had a factory repair after 16.5 years and almost being done with child rearing after 29 long years, it would be me.
So I did something that I haven't done for 17ish years, and haven't really missed. I waited nervously for 2 minutes to see how many lines showed up in the little window. I admit that somewhere in the middle of that time, for about 30 seconds, I thought that it wouldn't be so bad to replenish my children supply to it's rightful number.  However, by the time the timer dinged I was back to being desperate for that not to be the case!
I have to say, that is the first pregnancy test that I ever failed!
I feel sort of silly about that episode now.

I am also feeling a little old again. I might be about to have a second midlife crises. Coincidentally, my second grandchild will be out and about in two-ish months.
I hope that my baby ducks remember to never ever let me look ridiculous.

Quuuuuuuuaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!!!!!