Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Party like it's 2013

It is December 31, New Years Eve, so therefore one must write a "New Year" post, right? Certainly, as the last page of 2013 is about to turn, reflection over the past year is not remiss.

For me, it seems as if it has been a very looooooooooooooong year! In fact, it has been the standard 12 months, like every other year, but it feels longer. On December 31, 2012, I was just gearing up to attend my first college class! I've only been "in college" for one year?? It feels like FOREVER!

 I have a "happy jar" that I started on New Year's last year....i'm going to read all of my little notes tonight, but I stopped adding "happy notes" several months ago! Shame on me! I'm going to start a new one for this year, and hope to not drop the ball this time. I'm looking forward to reading what is in that jar, though. As I sit here mentally sifting through the year....there is just too much! Weddings and school and babies and death and pigs and, and, and.......!!!!

I am not making any resolutions...i'm lived through enough Januaries to know that resolutions are futile. Honestly, marking time by years is not really something I do anymore. I wake up every morning with new hope for a new day!

As I peer into the foggy specter of 2014, this is what I hope and plan for, with the disclaimer that any expectations are folly and only God knows what this year will really bring...

*Survive, mentally and emotionally, for as many days as God allows me days...
*Get through Savanna's tonsil surgery without having a heart attack.
*Be kind, compassionate and not selfish, and be a better, more thoughtful and considerate wife, mom, daughter, auntie, friend..
*Pass algebra like a rock star..
*Master this photo thing so that my posts have some visual interest, and so I can change my profile picture which is a year and a half old...
*For goodness sake, remember that all of those weight management efforts are not about vanity, but about FEELING GOOD and having the mental and emotional energy to live!
*Stop thinking I have to be my own hero and "let go and let God"....

And ditch my anger issues, which is not generally a problem for me. However, one might discern that there is a problem when one is writing and rewriting (mentally) a scene in a story wherein a strange little man is the protagonist who gets beat down by a girl (who has a face resembling one's self)....I actually have a pretty nasty temper, but it takes forever to awaken that dragon, and I am talking YEARS, decades even....i just don't get really angry that easily, and I make a point to deal with any anger as it comes up, so that it doesn't get to the point of blind rage, because that's just never pretty....however, I have become aware of quite a lot of anger bubbles, and it's not even at anyone or anything specific, just in general, and I'm pretty sure it probably has to do with a delayed grieving process....in any case, it's disturbing, and while i'm not happy with myself, i'm thankful to have become aware so that it can be dealt with and defused...

Movies aren't really my thing. I would far rather read a book, or have a conversation, or play a game of scrabble than watch movies. Of  the ones I have watched, there are very very few that I thought were worth the time spent. Going to the movies, at a theater, is not something we, as a family are in the habit of. However, last night ducks 2 and 5 were going on a "siblings" date to see the Desolation of Smaug (A hobbit movie) and duck 3 was in town for a dr. appt, so she and I decided to tag along. Once I got past the sticker shock...(5 bucks for a soda??? No wonder we don't go to the theater! Pretty pricey form of entertainment!) i'm not sorry that I went! We watched it in 3D, and it ROCKED!

And that is the end of this New Year's post. Mostly because I just have a lot to do, since tomorrow is another holiday day....

What are your thoughts on 2014?

Tuesday, December 17, 2013


This shall be a photo-less post...
all of my pictures (1000+) are on my recently retired phone, and I never bothered to back anything up on icloud, because I have no clue what icloud is or how to use it.
Ergo, no pictures.

It has been a hectic, chaotic, full-on crazy few months, and frankly I am exhausted! There has been so much going on, and most of it I can't even talk about because even though these are issues and events  that profoundly affect me and my life, they AREN'T MY STORIES TO TELL! So I don't even know why I am bothering to write a post!

Confession time, I guess. In the midst of all of that stuff that I can't talk about, and other stuff and taking care of a baby who just doesn't like me quite as much as she likes her mama, and hostessing Thanksgiving and what not, (the Chief was on vacation that week, but there was SO MUCH going on, we didn't have 5 minutes together, and it sure wasn't restful or relaxing!) I managed to make an A in English 1302, be highly recommended to the creative writing class, and consequently be enthusiastically invited to said class (Oh joy, oh excitement, oh happy day) all of which was a big and much needed confidence boost...but FAILED SKUNKY ALGEBRA!!!!!!!!!! Well, I ended up with a D, but I had to at least have a C to pass sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo no writing class for me. I have to take...AND PASS!!...math 0320 again.  And a bunch of people to say "I told you so" to.  I really have to tell you, I am so bummed and discouraged and disgusted and embarrassed and all kinds of other stuff, and seriously, I feel like just giving up. I just spent an entire semester not doing a bunch of stuff (like with the kids, or keeping up with the house, working out, finishing my painting projects, etc) so I could do this, not to mention the money involved, and now I have to do it again! I feel like i'm wasting a whole bunch of time and money and I should just forget it and go back to regular life.

But what kind of example would that be?? When the going gets tough, quit? When it's not fun and you've lost focus and feel like a big loser you should just GIVE UP??  That is what kind of example that would be, and I would strongly discourage my kids or loved ones or friends from doing that! So here I go, back to Algebra.

Also in this disastrous semester, I GAINED BACK twenty pounds. Yes, twenty. It's awful. I don't have any fat clothes left, and I darn sure am not getting any more, so I am squeezing my mass into clothes that don't fit well, and not only do I feel like I look awful but I KNOW that I FEEL awful! My joints hurt, my head hurts, I have a killer sinus issue going on, my BP is up, i'm not sleeping great, or frankly at my best mentally or emotionally....ALL of which are GREATLY improved when I eat well (IE: fresh whole home made food, no refined empty carbs or wheat, etc) and work out regularly!

So now not only do I have to retake this semester of algebra, (and pass) I also have to re-lose twenty pounds, plus some more because I wasn't actually done yet!

I'm really hoping to get it ALL back together by the time school starts again, and i'm reading a book a little at a time called "Boundaries" that the chief said I should read. Much of it makes sense, but whether or not i'm actually capable of implementing "personal boundaries" is the question!

I'm thinking of having soup and sammiches for the holiday dinner. I wonder how that would go over? :)

Now I shall share with you a nice story. I saved up a bunch of money to buy The Chief some wood working tools that he wants. He took it and ordered Joey's headstone. And then Chanelle felt like pitching in on that.  So the chief has no tools, and Chanelle and her hubbies savings is smaller, but Joey is going to have a headstone soon! What a guy, huh? and what a kid!

And that's what's up! What's up with you?


Friday, December 6, 2013

A blog of little brain

I want to blog. I had no intention of leaving my blog idle for over a month now. However, between classes and homework and babies and holidays.....um, there is no time to blog. The only reason I still facebook is because I have FB on my iphone and can do that in odd minutes in between this and that.
I have an algebra final on Monday and then I am done with school for the semester! What will happen next is a mystery.  Either I will solidly pass my final and be through with algebra at least for now, or I won't in which case I will be retaking this class next semester. (I am in possession of enough funds for only one class for the spring semester.) If I do pass, and I get accepted into the writing class (my English professor indicated that she would be glad to give me a recommendation) then I will be taking THAT class next semester. If I pass algebra, but don't get accepted into the writing class, then I have no clue what is next. I guess I will be altogether done, unless another idea makes itself known.
In any case...perhaps I will be able to get some blogging in during the winter break!