Old broad walking

     I don't know if this is weird, but honestly I do not feel like i'm old. Or even older. Or middle aged. Logically, i'm aware that 48 is on the downside of middle age, even if the longevity genes stick to me. (My great grandmother lived to age 96, and my grandmother is 91.) I don't feel middle aged. Even as I am definitely menopausal, I still don't FEEL like that could be true, because that happens to OLDER women, and I am not "older"!
     And then I go to class. Yep, I am "older". It feels very awkward that the professors are my peers, chronologically speaking. I feel very self conscious,  sitting in a class room full of young life....and i'm having a hot flash. ~resists urge to fan self~  There are quiet a number of  "older" students roaming the halls of SPC, but just special for me, because I am already on the edge, there are none in either of my classes. On the first day, we get to introduce ourselves. "Hi, i'm (insert name) and I graduated from such and such high school, and i'm studying architecture!" (Or psychology. or childhood education. or criminal justice. or engineering. or what have you.) Then there's me. "I'm Valerie, i've been out of high school for THIRTY YEARS, raised 5 kids, and I don't know what the heck i'm doing, my dead son made me come here."
    I might be having a crisis.